Ive told you too much and now I feel rejected- this is the cause of my recent disposition, I think. I told you too much and it was not received warmly and so Ive turned away- almost entirely and completely and I doubt Ill be back. This is what happens when I feel rejected; I almost never come back.
So, I do want this to be plan A now (maybe. maybe not). And last night, I wanted only that- which is what I meant by not "going out of my way" anymore. I dont plan on calling, or showing up unannounced. I dont even really wanna have to make the travel 11 blocks up and 2 avenues over, anymore, unless I am there for some other reason anyway.
and then I thought....
maybe telling u so much, and showing you such vulnerability was my way of pushing you away. I thought, "how clever, its perfect." I managed to show you my "vulnerabilities" so soon and in such abundance; anyone would be taken aback, but i fault you for it and push you away as a result and all the while I can feel perfectly justified. I get clever-er with every new relationship I set out to fuck up.
(good luck with that, huh?)
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